First become convinced of your value. God affirms you: you are created in His own image. Then, with boldness and a quiet spirit live beside your husband. Let him know day by day, year by year who you are and who you are becoming.

Silence when your perspective is badly needed leaves a void. Remaining silent, when you know it is fear that holds you down, misses an opportunity to be the balance of power in your marriage. You know you have a strong point of view. If your husband gets loud, it takes courage to express yourself. He is bigger, naturally louder and his voice can be intimidating. Things changed for us when I began to realize that my inaccurate understanding of submission in the Bible drove me to silence. I was losing my husband’s respect. Finally by speaking up, even if necessary with passion, a process of change began. The importance of my other perspective became clear.

I’ll never forget the second guessing in my soul, the introspection. But later, Eric told me he wanted to marry a whole woman, not a servant. I was learning to be a full fledged wife.

Some may teach that a man is “ruler” over his wife. Nowhere in Holy Scripture is a man told to rule his wife or how to rule her, to teach, train or “tame the shrew.” “Submission Syndrome” is a misunderstanding of Scripture. A quiet, passive, taken for granted wife, an appeaser is not the woman God designed you to be. A peacemaker must step up with initiative and respect and her best wisdom. A peacekeeper pacifies.

As you speak up, speak out, “speaking the truth in love” to your husband, God is in the mix of your interaction. Your body, soul and spirit is unique to you…and importantly, very much who your husband needs to save him from “being alone.” He really doesn’t want to have to do all the thinking.

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