They exist in the head of a wise woman: she is both free and submissive. She is what she makes up her mind to do.

She initiates her female perspective and imaginative ideas and with them comforts her husband’s life; she comforts both their lives. She does not live under obligation or coercion, or as a child or servant. His well being, his life mission and destiny is merged with hers.

You might say that she pampers him. And why not; who receives the benefits in return?

A few years married, I was helping arrange the food for a women’s retreat. One of the girls also helping said out loud, referring to me, “She spoils her husband.” I felt the sting of criticism. But later I realized that yes, I do that. My friend had one failed marriage. Now on the second, I wondered if she would do differently.

Go ahead; choose to spoil your husband. Give him your insight, understanding and close friendship. What will he do with such affirmation: probably shine! He will most likely fulfill his calling. His wife is his cheering section. His prosperity and success will result from your encouragement. His prosperity and success will be your prosperity and success.

Normal, good men only admire the beauty and strength of a wise woman. He is secretly glad he was lucky enough to marry her (when he gets used to the determination and stamp of a foot, now and then.) He learns sooner or later that her viewpoint balances his. He learns that “Coming to Agreement is more important than Agreement Itself.” (See a previous blog of that title).

Powered by this knowledge, she never doubts that she is created to stand as “a front, part opposite, over against or before, a counterpart” to her husband. She is unafraid of submission because she is significant and knows the balance of power she holds.

The time will come where your views cannot agree, but you have already said and done all you can; you have told him what you think. Let go. Have faith that God is in the middle of this. Be assured; “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28) I am convinced that when you and I do concede our passionate perspective (which is sometimes the right one and sometimes not) God knows and blesses us for giving it up.

The power to provide perspective, imaginative ideas and encouragement to your husband (or not) rests totally within you, nowhere else. Only you have the power to provide it.

The Decision

The decision to submit to a husband’s concepts about family matters (or not) rests totally within his wife, nowhere else.

Where can freedom and submission coexist? Within you!


Empower you?

Anger you?

Scare you?

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  1. Tonya says:

    You or Connie told me long ago to let your husband lead and if he makes a mistake he'll learn from them and that I would be protected for submitting to his mistaken decision(s). This has certainly held true all these years. I rest in that umbrella of protection that God has given me.

  2. Lizzie says:


    I discovered the same. It is true that men are apt to respond well to trust from their wives. It takes a "war" dynamic out of the relationship.

    That sister of mine is a smart girl (also with a great marriage).

    Thanks for the comment.

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