When men micromanage their wives they do not have enough to do.

Her husband was a minister, a Doctor of Theology, powerful and well known. He forbade his wife to drink coffee because it wasn’t good for her. Yet coffee was one of her most enjoyable past times. She drank coffee anyway when she was not at home and not with him. For her it was a small, if covert, comfort within a world filled with hardship. After they died “new science discoveries” claimed definite benefits to the brain from drinking coffee.

There are two very different types of leadership men can implement: one is based upon Scripture, where he leads by example, the other that has no basis in Scripture where he leads as a despotic “lord” over his wife. Clearly, the command to drink no coffee did not come from scripture. His requirement came from the “science” of the day, and did not consider her viewpoint or needs. A point of view coming from the science we read is subject to change.

When men tell their wives that the laundry loads are too small because it wastes water, they take power away from their wives. When men make a final decision on the table lamp for the décor, they take power away. When she must report before going out…anywhere, she is not trusted, and knows it. This could drive a woman toward one of two equally bad extremes: she could become so withdrawn she expresses no personality or, she could become covertly (or openly) rebellious.

A micromanager can possibly manage his home into destruction.

The husband of the wise woman in Proverbs 31 could not have been a micromanager. Read the chapter about her. This woman accomplishes so much it makes the rest of us exhausted: who can equal her! She is full of initiative, gifts, opinions and power!

Her husband is only mentioned twice in the chapter: the story is of her. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life”. (Pro 31:11, 12) And, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ‘Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all’”. (Pro 31:28, 29)

A husband fulfilling his destiny is too busy and involved with his work to tell his wife what to do. He trusts his wife to do her part; he knows her decisions will speak for them both. Her husband knows she is frugal, her heart is with him. Her initiative “tells” him she understands his heart and what it means to work hard. Both keep their hearts at home: safe in the other’s care.

• Is overspending on the credit card your right?
• Is your work ever done? When you are caught up, what do you do?
• How do you approach a husband who thinks he is never wrong?

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Good words Elisabeth…keep up the truth.

  2. Lizzie says:

    Thank you. Keep reading. I am very interested knowing what you think.

  3. Tonya says:

    My husband trusts me completely–to manage the household, the kids' activities, homeschool, extended family, our finances…he has far too much to do just providing the income for us to live on to worry about what's happening at home during the day. Since responsibility is one of my strengths, I would probably take offense if he were watching over my shoulder, asking about everything I do.

    Since we're on the same team we each do our part to make everything work –trying to do it as unto the Lord. In your example above, it appears it's the "foolish MAN who is tearing his house down with his own hands". If this man is someone you know, i hope other men are talking with him to set his priorities right.

  4. Lizzie says:


    I observed men in many places (often religious leaders) who “ruled with severity” over their wives. The short examples above are several, different, real men. The grief, the aborted fulfillment of women's lives and sadness goes beyond their marriages. What about the fruitfulness that could have spread blessing all around had they been encouraged, drawn out and affirmed!

    You are a blessed and a wise woman.

    Good comment.

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