The future begins now…
You might make all the difference for both of you in this marriage if you choose to be the presence he needs. The beginning of your marriage was hopeful and romantic, but down the road it sometimes got soggy, downright hard. This is where you can plan ahead with a picture in your heart and mind of what a good relationship with your husband can be – – and play it!
In “Submission is not Silence” I compared the Presence of the Holy Spirit to the amazing presence of a wife growing to become all she can be. She is There! She has Wisdom! She offers the female perspective of: “created in God’s own image”. Like the whisper of the Holy Spirit, her perspective might save the day.
You can ONLY do your part – – but it is powerful!
A man is not made to be all wise; he should not be expected to make decisions alone. Sure, every man is creative, gifted in an important direction, he is smart and has strong opinions – – but he does not have perfect logic because “Does not wisdom cry? And understanding put forth her voice?”. (Proverbs 8:1)
Your lives could have a “built in” safety by choosing to accept responsibility: with your wisdom, your creative impulses and your vision. Your lives with your direction and his will be the best you both come up with – – you might save him and yourself.
When we married, my strict upbringing led me to think that I should give all decisions to my husband. I fretted in my soul, “I have all these ideas and thoughts, what do I do with them?” I didn’t know that my new husband did not want to make decisions alone. I was not “playing my role” and didn’t know it.
You are created “a help meet for him.” (Gen 2:18). In Hebrew it means “a counterpart; a presence at his side.” Why? Because God said it. He must have thought, “It is not good for the man to be alone I will make him a presence at his side.”
You are created in God’s own Image as the man is: “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis1:27)
One night I was asleep in bed; sometime in the middle of the night I was awakened with something like a plague in my mind, in front of my eyes. It said, “Get prepared.” And that was all. I said under my breath, “Lord, did you just speak to me?” Tears came to my eyes as I turned on my back, stared into the darkness and contemplated the unusual awakening.
A few weeks later, Eric’s suitcase and computer were packed Sunday evening, ready for an early Monday flight out of Orlando International Airport. He had a business trip, past Seattle to Whidbey Island on the West Coast. But an occasional spotting for a few weeks had turned into an ominous flow of blood during that evening. It took my most persuasive speech and our son Zachariah’s serious concern, to persuade him to go to the Emergency Room instead.
His coworker on the trip was new on the job; a team from around the country was to meet. My responsible husband preferred to take a chance and go on the trip. He could see a doctor when he returned home in five days. He might not have returned. He is here today because he listened to me and his youngest son.
For the next year our roles reversed, as the colon cancer was treated. My determined husband was down. It was my job to step up, make decisions, pay the bills.
What you may need to learn, what you may be called to do, what you discover you are able to do, may surprise you; but you are alert and ready to find out how to be the presence at his side.