Choosing to depend on your husband is not a weakness: an ally, a friend, counterpart intelligence is a powerful advantage. “In the beginning, God made them male and female.” Sure, there is mystery in marriage and it’s hard to work out for every one. But there is strength in “two-ness” like no other relationship. Since men have twice the muscle mass by normal body weight, natural protective instincts to go along, being married to a good man brings the power of two, “Two shall be one . . .” Men have drive and courage in combination with their innate power: to create, go where no one has gone, build high and mighty, and go deep and dangerous. Mark 10:6; Matthew 19:5
But you, as a woman, have innate creative genius, counterpart strengths that are uniquely female, equal to his and go alongside. Both of you are a beautiful combination of gifts. Women have “she-bear” like sensitivity and intuitive instincts just about everywhere in her domain. From your marriage to your domicile to your gifts to your work, your passion and drive should be recognized and respected . . . by you, by him, by the world. You shine as a female more than you can see.
So, a good marriage is worth the effort . . . though often marriage does not work that way. Why?
Should you choose to depend on the man you marry and along with him, work it out, you have a powerful advantage. He will always be on your side, good at what you are not, gifted where you are not, a protector: it’s a great thing!
Inside, where your mind and spirit work with your brain and body you are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. He is lucky to have you, and to depend upon you . . . it works both ways. Your strengths . . . (and weaknesses) are counterpart; they make you unique from every couple. This one of a kind blend of you and him is worth the risk, worth the effort to work out. Mark 10:6.
I am grateful; forty years ago now I began learning to count on him. Learning to trust Eric, learning what love from him means to me, how it benefits. I still learn from his perspective, his wisdom keeps surprising me. I have grown to depend on him. I have been learning to be trustworthy too: Biting my lip and listening, learning the profound meaning of the give and take of respect. I am more whole now by far than when I married Eric. I know deeply that I’m a vital member of the human race, a woman created in God’s image.
You are capable of growing whole on your own, with God’s guiding, of course, but a strong ally sure helps a lot. When first you practice the vital character traits of independence, (you think what you think for a reason!) expressing your opinions (when it’s with respect, it works so well) and combine this with the art of give and take in marriage, over time it will become natural to trust your husband. Now he knows how you think, what you feel and believe. (In the beginning of our marriage my hollow idea of the meaning of Biblical submission was silence; and my husband used to say, “How can I know what you think if you don’t tell me?”) I Co 6:16
It works both ways.
January this year began with Eric’s first grand mal seizure. February, breast cancer surfaced for me. Now, several months later, radiation for me and he has just had hip replacement surgery. Therapy and more therapy; it’s a funny scene in our house. Both of us are helping the other. We laugh at ourselves. Eric said, “Two of us together make three fourths of a person.” Dependence works both ways; we still say, “We’ve made each other.”