Home is like a filling station for the needy people that you love. Fill them up with your best information, techniques, inspiration, and make your home your most important priority. Make it so that if all the rest of the world goes downhill your household is nourished. Your priorities are always: God, your husband and yourself, then your children, then your career. If crises comes, of course, life will be altered for a time, but you have established the norm.
What happens to the man, even a good Christian man, if he arrives home night after night and the house is in chaos, dinner is nowhere in sight, and not even an onion in the oven to entice him. When a man walks in the door and he knows his wife is uncaring, what do you think it does to him?
Contrast this with another man, even a man of the world, who arrives home to a smiling, shining wife! Along with the aroma of good food around her, the preparation for his return includes a radiant expression of her best self, her caring, her style. To him she is the most beautiful of women. Such things are guaranteed to do a work inside any man.
He doesn’t need another woman; he doesn’t need more income—he needs only your best you. After God the man with whom you go to bed should have your first loyalty. Even if he is not God-fearing (yet), he is your husband. He knows that he should have first place in your life. If you put any thing or person before him, he will deeply resent it. Mother, father, children, friend, job or pet may all try to compete for your first loyalty—even the church can attempt to mess up your priorities! You alone can make sure none of this happens!
I love this passage in Psalm 45: “Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear; forget also your own people, and your father’s house; so shall the king [your husband] greatly desire your beauty: for he is your Lord” [a respectful title, not a slave- master relationship]. Here “forget” means “to mislay, that is to be oblivious of, from want of memory or attention.” You honor your father and mother in addition to, not more than, your husband. You love your friends, but they come after, not before, your husband. You may have a profession, but it ranks lower in your priorities. God alone comes first.
The most intelligent, talented, and gifted woman can be completely secure in her calling as a wife, if she has the right vision in her head, so that she need not look beyond her role to be totally satisfied as a woman. Though her gifts and opportunity may take her to the ends of the earth, she first makes secure her husband and household; they are her priority. She may do great and significant things, like Deborah, Chief Judge in the land, but it is more likely that keeping “the home fires burning” will be her strongest call.
What is your situation: who is your husband and what is his work? What is your household needing in the way of attention and care? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Don’t conquer the world, and at the end of your life look back and regret that you spent too much time in the office. When you are at the end of your life, this once and never to happen again journey, don’t regret you spent too much time on lesser things. My mother in law told me early in our marriage, “When you must choose between a person and a job, choose the person.” She told me right.
Develop your vision and priorities; afterward your gifts, and wholeness will naturally follow because you have pleased God, your husband and yourself.
The idea that it’s demeaning to be a “help meet” for your husband comes from the enemies of marriage and Christianity itself. “Help” simply means aid; you assist in enabling your husband to succeed. Is it demeaning for nurses and doctors to aid patients? “Meet” means standing face-to-face as an equal. Is it demeaning for the world’s power brokers to meet face to face? Freely following God as a female is not demeaning but liberating like nothing else; rather, it is perpetual discovery. It is looking inside for treasures He has hidden within you and planned for you.