This morning I awoke feeling spiritually cold, deserted or at least distanced from my Father in Heaven. Though lately, it hasn’t been so, today was chemo day. It was the second of four sessions of cancer therapy.
Ever so weakly, I prayed, still lying in bed, unwilling to get up to face it. Chemo is a mysterious “friend”; it is a spy going through the body to find and kill the cancer cells where they may be lurking.
This morning tears emerged and I felt so sad. I prayed to my Father in Heaven, but not with much faith that this would change anything.
Then it happened: I remembered the email from Josh last night: “Be positive. . . the chemotherapy is like many tiny toothbrushes, brushing the cancer away.” I was thinking about his encouragement, when another son, Zach, called. I wasn’t clear voiced yet. “Mom, are you just waking up?” He was driving to work. “I know you’re going to get chemo today. How are you feeling about it? I will be thinking about you and praying for you. I love you.” That sounded like Zach; it also sounded like encouragement sent from God.
Then my husband said, “This is the day the Lord has made . . . ,” I responded, “We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
I checked the email: Betty, had a message for me with another boost. Kathleen called. Then as Eric and I had coffee on the porch I began to tell him about a speaking engagement that I had thought to duck out of, but was beginning to think I should agree to. My husband encouraged me to do it. I began to desire to do it.
Still before chemo, we read our daily Bible reading before breakfast. It was about Asa, King of Israel who sought the Lord, obeyed the words of God and he prospered . . .in the beginning. But later this good king fell away from God and ended up failing. He fell away from the All Powerful God who had given him every success, every victory; then arrogance did him in . . . and he died that way.
How sad to make a great effort to live a successful life, to follow in the Presence of God, to know the salvation Jesus offers freely, the power of the Holy Spirit . . . and then to blow it in the end.
God help me to live faithfully, filled with hope in God, and focus on the Father in Heaven who said through Jesus, “And lo, I am with you all the days, even to the end of the world.”
Now that is success.
So after the three hour chemotherapy session, the end of my day filled with hope, sweet comfort. My meds are working, my husband is here. God is good . . . I went for a forty minute bike ride in the evening. Thank you Lord.